Attached
by Bankotsu Babeh
Summary: To Demyx, everything was perfect. He and his lover were constantly together, constantly in love. But he never knew it was so one-sided. Not until the night that Zexion walked out the door, and took Demyx's heart with him. One night ruined both their lives


**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts so isn't mine.

**Attached**

The great thing about Zexion and me is that we're always together.

Even when one of us does the simplest of everyday tasks, the other follows. We go into the kitchen together, we take showers together, we ride to work together. And we never get sick of each other like everyone else in the world gets sick of their counterparts. No, we're attached at the hip, and that's just the way we both like it.

(D)

My fingers tapped anxiously on the computer desk as my eyes gravitated towards the clock for the fifth time that minute. It was ten past eight. Zexion should've been home from work by now, he was always home at eight. Always…

I snapped my attention back to the game of Solitaire I had pulled up on the screen. I blindly dragged cards on top of other ones, my mind still worrying about where my boyfriend was.

And I knew I wasn't normal.

I've always known, ever since I was a little kid. Long before I even met Zexion, I hated being alone. I never went to a psychologist to see just what the problem was, but in the back of my mind and buried in my heart, I knew that it wasn't regular to cry every time I was alone.

But I always did.

My entire life, I thought I had insomnia. Back when I was in high school, I could barely get any sleep, and I would fail all my classes. But as soon as I found someone to sleep next to, I started snoozing like a baby. I never really knew quite what to make out of it.

And even though I finally found someone to spend all of my time with, someone to give love to and receive love from, I still can't handle being by myself. I know that it kills Zexion, too. It kills him every time I kiss him, every time I put a hand on him. Because he's not one to show affection, and I'm the type of person who thrives off of it.

The front door swung open and Zexion hobbled in, sporting a thick scarf around his neck and a hat that suffocated his head. Involuntarily, I jumped up and, in five long strides, I was over to him to shut the door and keep all of the spiraling snowflakes out of the house.

"Hey!" I greeted cheerfully, the only way I knew how to act. The way that was like nails on a chalkboard to my boyfriend.

"Hi," he said unenthusiastically. I leaned forward to kiss him, and, although I knew what it would be, the mere peck was disappointing and unsatisfying to me. I always wanted more.

"Demyx, I just got home from an excruciating day at work. Christmas has got us swamped. I really need to take a warm bath."

"Can I come?" Oh, how nice a warm bath would be right about now. Sitting in the tub with my arms around his sexy, slim waist, soaking up the steamy atmosphere-

"No, I want to take one alone. Sorry."

Zexion walked past me and wiggled out of his coat in a hurry. After that, he disappeared, completely used to the disappointment in my eyes and the nagging, unhealthy attachment I had to him.

I stood by the frigid door for a few seconds longer, wondering if I was so cold from the winter weather leaking through, or my icy other. Trying to shrug it off, I patiently waited on the couch for him to finish bathing alone. I knew my chances of getting the attention I wanted would be a lot better if I didn't nag him too much.

One hour slipped away to two hours, and still, he hadn't returned to the living room. And for some reason, this was the thing that could possibly annoy me the most. Being ignored.

I heard his footsteps rush fluently through the house, heard the doors open and close, heard him drop a few things. And with every second that he didn't stop to be with me, my stomach clenched and my jaw tightened. It was everything I could do to stamp the fire down as I ground my teeth to keep the angry words inside.

After what seemed like decades, he finally reentered the living room, overlooking my crossed arms and tense face. He sighed quietly, "I'm going to bed, Dem. I'm beat. Goodnight."

I blinked slowly at him. "You're going to bed? But…I haven't seen you all day. You aren't even gonna spend any time with me before you go to sleep?"

"Demyx, I spend all my time with you. Every. Day. Ten hours away from me isn't the end of the world. It's not like we're married."

"The only reason we're not married is cause you don't wanna marry me," I mumbled sulkily, sinking into the couch from the weight of depression. Even if ten long, boring, lonely hours weren't the end of the world for Zexion, they were for me.

He rolled his eyes moodily. "Whatever, I don't have time for this. I love you," he grumbled.

I sighed, clearly defeated. "I love you, too…" And the words made me even sadder. The only reason he even tells me he loves me before bed is because I make him. If he doesn't, I whine and I moan and I bitch about how I couldn't fall asleep because he never said anything, or never kissed me.

Routinely, he made his way over to give me a peck on the lips. He really had no say in the matter. Just like how I always make him tell me he loves me after sex. Which, apparently, I wouldn't be getting tonight. I hadn't gotten any in four days, and that was extremely frustrating to me. My shoulders dropped with the realization of this, too. No sex. Mannn.

"Um…I'm kinda tired. I guess I'll come lay down, too."

Zexion didn't respond in any way, he just turned around and made his way for the bedroom. I hung my head, knowing that I wouldn't be able to sleep well tonight at all. Aside from the fact that it was early and I was wide awake, I could never drift off while I was feeling so empty.

I dragged my feet as I followed my boyfriend into our room, my eyes scanning over his body as he slipped out of his clothes. Damn the temptation that seemed to ooze off of him. He crawled into bed and plopped onto his side to face the wall, like he always did. Away from me.

With a silent sigh, I inwardly cursed as I slid into bed and slithered my way closer and closer to him. I was tense as I waited for it, I knew it had to be coming. My breath was caught in my throat as I listened for his signs of protest. I inched closer…And closer…And closer…

'No, Demyx. It's too hot to cuddle," he griped, scooting a little more towards the edge of the bed. I didn't say anything, I just felt my nostrils flare as I glared at his body in the darkness. I retreated back to my own side of the bed. The lonely, cold, uncomfortable side.

I bounced my leg to let him know I was angry, but he remained silent, as he was used to my every move. Eventually, I heard light snoring from him. And, since I was feeling so sad and alone, I knew this was my chance. It was always my only chance.

As he slept, I snuck a few cuddles in. This was the only time I could ever get close to him. I shivered as the chilliness of winter clouded through the house, and I wrapped the blankets even more tightly around myself.

But as I shook again from the coldness, I pressed myself against Zexion even more. He was so warm to the touch, I just couldn't help myself. I repositioned myself a few times, just to make sure all of the coldest parts of my body were being revived by my personal heater, when..

"**STOP**!"

I practically jumped out of my skin as he scared the living daylight out of me. I let go of him as he wriggled angrily and elbowed me away. "How the hell am I supposed to sleep when you're trying to squeeze me to death?"

"I…I was cold. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Stay on your side of the bed. It's a fucking queen size mattress, for Christ's sake. You know I can't sleep with you all up on me. I can't have someone touching me."

My mouth twitched as I felt my heart throb. I didn't say anything as I rolled over to face the wall, balling up to try to keep myself warm…And keep myself together.

There, it took me several more hours to fall asleep. I waited for morning to come, when Zexion would wake and not remember a thing about this night at all.

(D)

I woke up next to Zexion, sleeping like we were two friends, not two boyfriends. We both rose and went our separate ways through the house, never saying a word.

I stared unseeingly into my cup of coffee as I sat at the island in the kitchen. Zexion was in the living room reading a book of some sort. I sighed as I began to tilt the cup from side to side, noticing the mahogany liquid swaying and flowing.

Sometimes, I wondered if he really loved me or not. Half of me would debate yes, and the other screamed no. I understood that Zexion was different than me in lots of ways. I got that he couldn't show affection the same way I did. One part of me said that he just didn't know how to handle someone as clingy as me.

And the other part, it told me to wake up. To open my eyes. It told me that I wasn't clingy, I was in a relationship. That he should show atleast some form of interest in me. That he should treat me like he loved me.

But in the end, I would always listen to the part I wanted to hear. I always agreed that he did love me, because why else would he be here? And I always concluded that Zexion had a problem, too. He had a problem showing affection, and perhaps commitment issues.

Shaking my head, I left the kitchen and entered the living room. He was like a magnet, always drawing me in even when he didn't mean to. When I walked through the arch and into the room, Zexion had just put his book on the coffee table and was beginning to stretch.

As his hands inched closer towards the sky, my eyes couldn't help but to ogle his body. They landed right on my favorite part: the hips. Those slim, defined, bangable hips that knew how to move so well. The ones that were being exposed as his shirt rose with his arms. And the lines leading down below his pants…The ones I called sex lines.

My eyebrows pulled together as I realized how little I was ever allowed to touch that body. My hands dove into my pockets as I fought the urge to grab that fine ass. Fought the urge to grab those wonderful hips, or run my hands along the flat stomach and the gorgeous chest that he had.

But I couldn't help myself. I made my way over and wrapped my arms around Zexion's waist, pulling his body against mine in a modest little hug. I kissed my other favorite part of him, which was the neck, of course. From there I worked my way up to his mouth, where he kissed me back.

And still I wasn't satisfied. Because I knew he hated kissing, and I'd asked him one time if it bothered him that I kissed him so much. He said yes, but that he had to kiss me back. Because he was obligated to.

So as that rang through my memory, I tried to ignore it while I began to nip at his ear playfully. I knew that it almost always turned him on.

"Tickles!" He hissed as he pulled away with a funny expression on his face. For some reason, any movement that tickled him put him in a terrible mood. Usually he'd pop my hand if I ever touched him in a way that stimulated a tickle.

"It doesn't hurt," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Yes it does."

"Whatever," I mumbled, taking two steps away from Zexion. "I can already see how you're gonna be today."

"God, Demyx, you're so childish. If I'm not stuck up your ass all the time, you're not happy. I can barely deal with you anymore," he uttered back, acting as if those words didn't stab through my heart.

I stood my ground as I watched him grab his jacket off the back of the kitchen chair and head for the door. As I listened to him start the car, I knew I wouldn't hear from him for the rest of the day. And still, no matter how much I wanted to act like it didn't bother me, just like it didn't bother Zexion, I stood frozen to the floor with tears coming down my face.

(Z)

I don't remember when it got so late, but now it's dark outside. It seems like I only just escaped from Demyx, I can still see that stupid, immature face he makes when he gets mad at me. I can still point out those inexcusable tears, the whiney-baby complex that he has.

But now I can see blackness explode from the door every time someone comes in the bar. I can see this new man split into two, then smack back together to one person as he seems to be walking in zig-zags, but I know he's really walking just fine. I can taste that burning, bitter bile remaining in my throat, even when I can't recall puking.

And I can see this girl sitting next to me, with immaculate breasts practically spilling from her shirt, blonde hair in waves around her face and over her shoulders. She arches her back as she turns slightly away from me, poking her luscious ass out so I can see the design of her thong that's clinging to her prominent hips.

I can see her lick her lips, which, even in this poor light, glimmer and shine with a sheet of gloss. She stares me up and down with piercing blue eyes, practically begging me to slam myself inside of her. Her mouth hangs open slightly as she extends her neck and tilts her head up, looking as if she was having a mini orgasm already.

And I can't quite place a finger on the reason why, but for some reason, I'm attracted to her.

(Z)

We slammed the hotel door open, me carrying my newfound fuck and she grinding against my boner. I already had my pants undone and I was pressing it against her under her skirt in anticipation, kissing her fiercely as we let some moans escape. I kicked the door closed with my foot as I slammed her down on the bed, never separating our touch.

She ripped her panties off in a hurry, somehow more excited about this than I was. Foreplay wasn't my thing, and I didn't care if it was hers or not, so I took my pants and boxers off the rest of the way and hastily thrust my dick inside her.

She gasped when she felt the entirety of it enter her so harshly, but the scratches she was inflicting on my back told me she liked it rough. And I always give them what they want.

The cheap bed squeaked and thumped as I pounded myself inside this girl time and time again, the force and the speed making her scream out in pleasure. I panted heavily as I bucked and went in deep, feeling some pleasure in actually having vaginal sex for a change.

She thrust her hips upward to keep up with my rhythm, moving right along with me like a champ. She arched her back and her breast neared my face, making me want it more until I finally busted inside her. When we both came, she screamed so loud, someone would've thought I was murdering her. I rolled over and passed out on the bed, fairly confident that she knew how this worked and she'd be gone in the morning. And I slept very soundly that night, not even phased by what I'd just done.

(D)

I flipped open my phone again just to make sure I didn't have a missed call. I knew when Zexion left that he would probably be gone all day, but I didn't actually think he'd disappear last night, too. I didn't think he'd forget to atleast call me. I guess I didn't think a lot of things.

I finally heard a car door slam shut in the driveway, and my heart skipped a beat as I began to smile. He was here at last. But I fixed my face, remembering that I should be mad at him for leaving me in the dark, and sat on the couch with seemingly emotionless eyes and a serious expression.

He came through the door with his hair disarrayed and faint rings underneath his eyes. He glanced at me for a moment before telling me hey and taking his coat off. I couldn't help myself, I hadn't seen or heard from my boyfriend in an entire day and night, and it'd made me fall apart the whole time he was gone.

I got off the couch and walked over to him slowly, wanting to make peace but not do all of the apologizing. I gave him a timid kiss and caressed his face slowly. "Where'd you go last night?"

"I had a few drinks and stayed in a hotel."

I felt my eyebrows pull together as I got that sinking feeling again. "Wow… You didn't want to sleep with me last night so bad that you had to rent a hotel room…?"

Zexion rolled his eyes tiredly. "No, Demyx, it's not like that. I was just too sleepy and too drunk to drive all the way back home. I'm gonna go lay down for a bit."

I watched silently as he made his way upstairs, noting how his walk was a little off and his shoulders were particularly slouched. I sighed and stood by the door for a good five minutes before I finally dragged myself back to the couch, listlessly tuning in on whatever was on tv. Something wasn't right about him.. But I couldn't place a finger on it.

(D)

After a month or so, my suspicions declined as Zexion fell back into his normal pattern of life. Maybe he just felt bad about leaving me that night, maybe he was just really hung over. Either way, that terrible night was practically washed out of my mind as we moved on with our lives as usual.

He sat on the loveseat next to me when we made our way into the living room, which was a nice surprise. Usually one of us sat on the loveseat and one of us sat on the couch, but today, he put his arm around me casually. I could feel that goofy, love-struck grin spread across my face.

Not long after we got cozy, the doorbell rang. Zexion heaved himself up with an irritated sigh and shuffled over to the door, looking ready to snidely tell any girl scouts or solicitors that we weren't interested in anything.

"Hi, Zexion."

A girl. That's weird. I didn't know of many girls who were friends with Zexion, but nothing crossed my mind. Just pure curiosity. I tilted my head slightly to listen better.

(Z)

My eyes widened as I saw this girl in front of me. This blonde bombshell who came into my life a month ago, and, just as soon as she came in, came right out. I could barely hear her talking over the sound of my racing heart pouncing inside of me.

"Do…I know you?" I lied in a very calm, believable manner, my face utterly composed despite my raging anxiety.

"Yes…I don't know if you remember me, but… May I come in?"

I nodded my head and stepped aside, allowing her to waltz past me and pass the fruity scent of perfume my way. My nose twitched.

This girl barely looked the same as she did the night I met her. She was wearing a snug, sleeveless white dress that actually covered her breasts and didn't expose her ass. Her face wasn't smeared in all kinds of makeup, and although most men would still find her alluring, she looked nowhere near as attractive- or slutty- as she did that night at the bar.

"I can see why you wouldn't remember me, you were pretty drunk that night a while back…"

I saw Demyx's head turn slowly to stare at the both of us in the entryway, his face growing more and more shocked.

"Um, wait, excuse me. Just exactly how do you know my name and address?"

"Oh. Well, while we were at the bar, you wrote down all your information and I put it in my purse. You were going to have me meet you here, but you suddenly remembered you had company staying that night…Or something like that." She rubbed her arm awkwardly and her blue eyes caught a glimpse of Demyx. This made her cheeks turn slightly pink.

I scowled at her as she just poured out all of my dirty little secrets. How could she say such things right in front of Demyx? Did she have absolutely no common sense?

"And just exactly why are you here," I growled, trying to ignore the holes Demyx was burning into the back of my head.

"I don't know an easy way to say it, so I'll just let you have it. I'm pregnant."

(D)

Those were the last words I heard from her as my vision blurred with tears. Zexion had cheated on me? Me? I felt my entire body tingle as my muscles began to spasm. I felt like jello as my heart began to ache, panic jolting my every nerve.

I threw myself off the couch, nearly wiped out on the floor, and stumbled my way upstairs. I locked myself in our room, my room, and sat on the bed, rocking back and forth rapidly. And what really scared me is when the tears stopped.

I sat there violently swaying back and forth with absolutely no thoughts in my head. There was complete nothingness; I was complete nothingness.

(Z)

My heart broke when I saw Demyx's face, completely crushed. "Who the hell do you think you are? You hooked up with some random guy at a bar, I think it's obvious you're not a 'one man' kind of girl. How the fuck do you get off saying that it's mine?"

Her eyes grew soft as I seemed to hurt her feelings with that statement. "I haven't had sex with anyone else. And I hadn't had sex with anyone before you in a while, so…Here's the positive test if you don't believe me."

She pulled out a white stick from her purse, but I didn't even care to look at it. There's no way I got this girl pregnant. This woman, the opposite sex of which I'm interested in. This girl I fucked so hard that night because I imagined she was Demyx. This bitch I wanted to be turned on to so badly, that I actually tricked myself into having sex with a woman. This life ruiner, this whore. This cheap, one night fuck.

"I'll believe it when I see the DNA test after your kid is born. Unless you want to get a back ally abortion; considering what I know of you already, it wouldn't come as much of a surprise. Please, by all means."

Her eyebrows pulled in and her face tensed as I spat the insults out one after another. "Look, I'll go now. But I'm leaving you my number. No matter what you think, this baby is yours, and I'm keeping it. So when you feel like stepping up and taking care of it, give me a call. Otherwise, the courts will be the ones calling you."

With that, she spun on her heels and exited the house. I fell back onto the couch and put my face in my hands, trying to think of some way to untangle this mess. Try as I might, nothing came to my head. No thoughts, no regret, no disbelief. Just…anxiety.

After about fifteen minutes, I finally gathered enough courage to drag my sorry ass upstairs and try to talk to Demyx. I atleast owed him that much, even though every molecule inside of me wanted me to run away and never face any of this again.

The door was locked, which I was prepared for. A quick slide of my ID allowed me to push it open with ease and peek cautiously inside the dark room. I could feel the negativity and the brokenness ooze out of the doorway the very second it was opened. I felt like I was walking into a curse, plain and simple.

(D)

I heard the door creek open and ignored the stinging that the hallway light brought to my crazed eyes that I had adjusted to the darkness. I didn't say a word to him as he slowly neared the bed, taking it upon himself to grab a seat next to me and interrupt my breakdown.

"I thought you were gay," was the only thing I could think to say, my voice sounding gruff and so unfamiliar to me. It sounded intimidating…It sounded scary.

"I am," he replied in a monotone, the uncaring hint in his voice digging under my skin. "I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing. I'm gay, you should know that much to realize that this was all just a mistake."

"You're exactly right, this all was a mistake. This whole relationship was a mistake."

"Oh, come off it, Demyx!"

It's so funny how he always thinks he has the right to raise his voice at me. How he automatically gets defensive as soon as we both realize he's wrong, how he turns it around on me somehow.

"I'm serious. You went out and got drunk just because I made you mad by accidentally tickling you. Do you see how incredulous you are? If it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have cheated. If you were normal, it wouldn't have happened. Or maybe it would've, you never treated me like you loved me anyways."

"Oh yeah fucking right," he barked back, balling up his fists.

"It's true! What you call being 'stuck up my ass' is what other people call affection. You never showed me any, never showed me any love or respect, and yet you're the one who went out cheating. If anyone should've been looking elsewhere, it's me!"

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, but I could tell that he still barely thought he was wrong. He still didn't see my point, or agree with anything I was saying.

"So I think it's safe to say we're over," he said in a calm, matter-of-fact voice. I felt my throat ache again as tears exploded from me out of no where.

"Yeah, pretty safe. I think you should leave…"

Zexion didn't say a word, he just exited the room and shut the door, leaving me in the dark all alone to break down again.

(Z)

I didn't know where I was going to go. I didn't want to separate from Demyx, but this is something he'd never be able to get over. Even if we were to work things out, he'd always hold this over my head, and probably be even more of a leech than he was before.

I packed a few bags and got in my car, making sure to bang my head against the steering wheel atleast three times before actually starting the engine. When I finally focused my eyes ahead of me, I noticed a tiny note crunched beneath my windshield wiper.

_Zexion,_

_Here's my number and my address if you change your mind about the baby. I'm sorry if I started any trouble, but this is sort of something you needed to know. You can reach me at any time. _

_ By the way, my name is Namine._

(/)

Two months pregnant.

(D)

I slowly drifted down the stairs and looked around my empty house. Every day, I wanted to shoot myself in the head. I couldn't stand the loneliness, the silence, and the depression. A few of my friends had offered to move in and split the rent with me, but as much as I hate being alone, I didn't want any company, either. Lose/lose for me, I guess.

I thought about getting a pet. But I figured I could never love anything as much as I loved Zexion, and hell, maybe a kitten would break my heart, too.

I still thought about him pretty much every day. Even if I wasn't thinking of him openly, I could feel that deep down in my subconscious, he was there. That's why every day dragged by and by, it's why I curled up in my bed by myself every night and cried until I couldn't breathe. I just wanted to die, as silly as it sounds. I'd never gone through a break up before, let alone one like this… I'd never been cheated on, never been heart broken. And this was all at once, like a ton of bricks.

Even though I had so much hatred built up towards Zexion, I still pictured him laying next to her at night. I imagined what had happened at the bar those two months back, painted the picture of his dick, which was supposed to belong to me, being slammed inside of her. And with each scene I played in my head, unknown pieces of my heart that I thought had been broken already began to shatter.

He must be so happy now, with this girl. Obviously he must be bi. She must be everything I couldn't be. She must not suffocate him, she must actually make him happy and get his love and attention. And now they're having a baby…Something I really could never do for him. He has his own family now, of course he left me.

Of course he left me…

(/)

Four months pregnant.

(Z)

I pushed my bangs out of my face to stop them from sticking to my cheek. Tears rolled silently from my eyes, but my expression wasn't distorted with misery. I didn't sob, didn't make any noise as I lay next to her in our bed. My mind was vacant of any thoughts, I just…cried.

We got up routinely the next morning. She gave me a peck on the cheek and walked down the hallway to make something for breakfast. I followed her with my eyes glued to the floor, noticing how she had wooden flooring instead of carpeting like at…my old house.

The creaks and chilliness of the floor irked my nerves, as it did every second I walked through this stupid house. I felt like a hamster, shoved in a habitat I didn't want to be in, but had no other choice as to where to go. I was obligated to be here…I was obligated to support her and the child, and I was obligated to pretend I was atleast a quarter percent happy.

But I wasn't.

She acted as though it didn't bother her, either. She pretended not to notice how I turned her down for sex every other night, or how little we would talk on certain days. She didn't seem to mind the lack of spark in the forced kisses I gave her, or how listless and unaffectionate I was. We just kept on with this charade, because we had no other choice but to be together.

(Z)

I watched her as she folded the tiny clothes we'd just bought and put them gingerly in the small dresser that sat in the corner of the room. She held up the pink garments and scanned them over with eyes full of love and happiness. I glanced at them uncaringly and emotionlessly.

The room was completely decorated in frills and lace and flowers. If I were to ever adopt a child (which I would never do, because I hate children), I would want a boy. So of course we were having a girl. I had let Namine pick out the name by herself, because I obviously didn't give a shit. Kairi.

She stood from the floor and kicked the bottom drawer closed with her foot. She waddled over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek like she always did, then went past me to go pee for the fiftieth time this hour. I shook my head and went in the bedroom, just wishing I would die already. I didn't want any of this.

Namine emerged from the bathroom with a smile on her face. She was always glowing, so completely elated because of that thing swimming inside of her. I blinked almost unseeingly at her as she came to sit next to me on the bed. She was quiet as she rested her head on my shoulder, and I, as always, didn't respond in any way.

"I packed my bag for the hospital, don't forget that we have to be there at five in the morning. I can't wait to see our baby girl."

I didn't say anything, just inhaled and exhaled. Even though she was so excited to give birth, I could still tell that she was lying to herself as much as I was. She wasn't happy that it was mine. She wasn't pleased that I was living in her home, she didn't like pretending we were a couple. But she did it anyways.

"I wonder if being induced is going to hurt," she thought aloud, completely used to the fact that I never responded to any of her questions. Her hands caressed her stomach gently, as they often did, and I saw it twitch and move. I blinked.

Sometimes, I felt like I wanted to snatch the baby as soon as it came out and shake it. Then all of my problems would be over. Sometimes I wanted to push Namine down a flight of stairs. She's the one who started this bullshit. Other times, I just wanted to slit my wrists. Because no matter how much I didn't want to admit it, it was my fault, too. It was my fault… Demyx, it's always been my fault…

(D)

The calendar read September already. I lingered in front of it with eyes full of tears. I'd done all the math already, and this was the ninth month. That home wrecker could have the baby at any time now, if she hadn't given birth prematurely already.

Or maybe she would make it to the full 40 weeks. Either way, it was either already here or it was coming. The countdown to the end of my life was nearing. Sure, my heart was broken now. But when the time comes for that new life to enter the world, my heart would die forever. I would be a shattered mess of a person.

I still lived all by myself, still cried every night and thought about Zexion every second of each day. The only thing that time had done was make me feel mostly apathetic. I still knew that my heart was burning and twisting and writhing in pain, but I didn't exactly feel it anymore. Just like getting a tooth pulled. I was numb, but I could still tell the agony was there.

All of my clothes were baggy on me now, depression and anxiety had made me lose weight. Plus the fact that I cry so hard every night that I throw up. Panic attacks were a routine kind of thing for me. But they were as normal as breathing. I still remained apathetic through everything, it all sort of just…happened. My mind didn't want to think of the pain I was going through, but my heart and my body still suffered.

I had come to the conclusion that I must not deserve to be happy. That everything was my fault, that I was never good enough for anyone to love. Because no matter how much I loved Zexion, regardless of the fact that I would die for him, he just couldn't love me back. And why would he? I was never anything special. Just a nuisance.

I deserved every bit of this. I'm the reason that I'm so unlovable.

(Z)

The hospital seemed impending and larger than life as I parked the car close to the emergency room. Even as tired as she was and with bags underneath her eyes, I could tell that Namine was practically floating on air. She hurriedly grabbed her bag and scuttled across the parking lot towards the huge sliding doors. I followed slowly with my head hung.

We took care of the paperwork and went up to the maternity part of the hospital. They wheeled her into the room and gave her a gown to put on. I sat on the couch and stared at the tiny box that the baby must go in when it comes out.

Namine emerged sporting the hideous gown, and she laid on the bed as the nurse got her to sign more papers and explained a few things. I didn't care to listen. I just wanted this to be over with. I just wanted life to be over with.

Before I knew it, she was already hooked up to an IV and had gotten her water broken. It's amazing how time flies when you're dying inside. One hour turned to two turned to three turned to four as the monitors beeped and the contractions grew closer together. Namine had already gotten the pain injections and the epidural, so she was lying on the bed with half lidded eyes and a lopsided smile on her face.

"I can't feel a thing," she slurred as she watched the mountains being drawn on the monitors each time she contracted. "I can't believe they're that strong and I'm not in any pain."

I was quiet as I listened to the tv and my own breathing. "It'll be over soon," I stated, trying to be less of a dick in this situation but really just attempting to reassure myself. "You'll have her in your arms before you know it." My listless voice didn't give the sentence much meaning.

She was only in labor for eight hours. The doctor readied her to push as the nurse held one leg and I held the other. We jammed them up into her chest as she tried her best to push, though she couldn't feel if she was really doing so or not. I couldn't help but wonder why the hell I was here. Why did I have to cheat on Demyx that night? Why did my life have to be so fucked up? Why was I having this baby that I had absolutely no love for?

…And why was her hair pink.

I stared at Namine with an incredulous look on my face. My mouth watered as I swallowed to keep the bile down. My eyes filled with tears, my bangs stuck to my face with sweat.

"What a beautiful little girl!" the doctor exclaimed, completely unaware of what was going on. Namine looked at me with wide eyes full of terror and disbelief.

"She isn't mine," I whispered, the sound quieted by the lump in my throat.

Tears ran down Namine's cheeks as her face turned blood red. She couldn't breathe.

"She isn't mine," I said again, this time a little louder. The doctor looked at me when he finally heard what I was mumbling in shock.

"She isn't mine. She isn't mine. She isn't mine!"

Namine began to bawl her eyes out, clearly embarrassed and completely confused. The nurse wrapped Kairi up and brought her over for Namine to hold, her pink hair being the only thing we could both focus on.

"She…doesn't look a thing like you," Namine gasped, her hands shaking so badly that she had to return the baby to the arms of the nurse.

"She isn't mine!" I sobbed, showing emotion for the first time ever since the day I left Demyx. Tears flew from my eyes as I fell to my knees, finally believing that maybe there is a God up there.

"S-She looks like my best friend, Marluxia. He h-has p-pink…" she couldn't even finish the sentence. "But we used… I thought…"

"…Isn't mine," I coughed out again, crying uncontrollably.

"You were the one who didn't use protection. I was certain Kairi was…I thought that night with Marluxia was too far back to have been…I thought…"

I didn't care. I lifted myself up off of the floor and flew through the hospital like a bat out of hell. I got to my car and peeled out of the parking lot, doing 70 to make it to Demyx.

(D)

A series of ferocious pounds echoed through the house. My heart jumped into my throat as the noise continued, scaring me awake from my nap. I cautiously went downstairs and peeked through the window, thinking that someone was dying and needed me to call the police.

But when I saw Zexion on my doorstep, I felt like I was the one dying. I backed away and shook my head in awe. I hadn't seen or heard from him in nearly a year. Zexion… I couldn't move.

"Demyx!" he screamed, banging on the door harder. "Demyx!"

My heart raced as I heard his voice. He looked like he was in trouble or something. I didn't know what to do. Worried, I finally unlocked the door.

He burst through and nearly knocked me over, barely giving me enough time to move out of his way. His eyes were crazed and frenzied in a way I'd never seen in all the years that I'd known him, in all those millions of times I gazed into them, completely infatuated.

"Demyx," he gulped, gasping for air. "It's not mine!"

I stood there staring at him like an idiot, wide eyed and dumbfounded. I really didn't know how to react, and apparently, he didn't know what to expect. He straightened up and watched me for any little movement or change of expression. I only heard my heart beating through my eardrums. I only saw blackness. I only felt the dryness in my mouth.

(Z)

Demyx's eyes began to roll back into his head and his face drained of all its color. Before I could do anything, he fell backwards onto floor. Great, why do I always have to hurt him? Why couldn't I have been a better boyfriend to him for all those years? Why couldn't I express my love and gratitude, tell him how blessed I was to have him in my life?

I snapped myself out of all the questions that were swarming inside my head and ran to his side. I smacked his cheeks and called his name, though my voice was so cracked and strained that he probably couldn't even hear me.

After what seemed like an eternity, his eyes began to focus and he started to groan a little. I searched his face while he slowly became conscious again, and I saw all of the pain I'd put him through. I saw the paleness that came from the stress I'd caused, the bags and lines in his face from the sleepless nights when my memory haunted him. I saw the streaks from the endless tears he spilled for me, I saw the scar from his heart that I'd ripped from his chest. I saw every mistake I'd ever made. I saw what a piece of shit I really was.

(D)

The sharp pain shooting through the back of my head was the first thing I noticed as I slowly regained my vision. When I saw Zexion standing over me, so completely distraught, no matter how much I wanted to slug him in the face, I felt worry for him.

"Where do you get off coming back here?" I growled, trying desperately to banish any feelings I had for him that weren't hatred.

"Demyx, the baby's not mine. I didn't get Namine pregnant. I'm…free!"

I shook my head and dragged myself off of the ground. "Congratulations."

"I…" he trailed off, obviously short of words. And he damn well should have a lot of them for me. He should be spewing out apologizes and I love you's and oh, I made such a big mistake, baby. But he wasn't. He was silent. My blood boiled.

"Demyx, I…I just wanted you to know."

I bit my tongue and stared him down with piercing, fiery eyes. "How thoughtful."

"Please, Dem…"

Ha. He really thinks he can call me that?

"Please…" he begged, his voice laced with agony. "I'm… I am…I'm so…"

"Don't!" I screamed, tears bursting from my eyes. "Zexion, don't even do this to me! Don't you think you've done enough damage? You already broke my heart, don't try to tape it back together so you can smash it again."

I saw his eyes quiver as he took in my words. He seemed to be contemplating for a moment, his lips shaking ever so slightly.

"You're right," he told me simply.

I glanced at him with a guarded expression. What does he mean by that? Why was he trying to fuck with my head! Why couldn't he just leave me alone, walk out of my life for good?

"I'll leave now. I just thought you should know… I'll always love you, Demyx. I know I broke your heart, so I'll give you mine to keep. And you'll always have it, no matter what happens. Even if we don't see each other again until the day we die."

He turned and began walking down the walkway. I shut the door behind him and slid to the floor, feeling my chest grow tight with the onset of another anxiety attack. Why was he doing this to me? He was never like this before, he never acted like he cared. Why the hell start now?

(Z)

I slumped over the steering wheel and sobbed like I'd never sobbed before. I don't really know just what I was expecting. I don't think I really anticipated him to take me in his arms and tell me he forgives me. So why does this hurt so bad? I'm the one who did this, I brought it upon myself. So why is it killing me like this?

I was so sick of his clinginess, I hated that he couldn't leave me alone. And now I'd sell my soul for just one kiss, for those hands to touch my face. The hands I was always pushing away. The ones that belonged to a man who would do anything in the world for me, and I gave him up. I really fucking hate myself.

I sat there and tried to calm myself down, hastily rubbing tears out of my eyes just for them to regenerate right after. God knows I couldn't see enough to drive, let alone have hands steady enough to take the wheel.

(D)

Zexion's car still sat in the driveway where it always used to be parked. It's so amazing that every time I think my heart's shredded as much as it could possibly be, it gets minced some more. I don't know why he hasn't driven off yet, but part of me doesn't want to see him leave. And the other part of me wants to punch that part in the face.

I stared out of the window at him slouched over the wheel. I've never seen him so pitiful looking. My hand lingered on the cool wood of the door, sliding closer and closer to the knob. I played with the metal in my fingers, feeling absolute nothingness until I turned the handle. Then I felt utter disappointment in myself.

I cracked the door open little by little, still scared to death of what was happening. My feet slid across the ground slowly, making their way towards the car involuntarily. I paused for a moment when I reached the passenger door, staring inside to see Zexion gasping for air like a fish out of water.

I pulled the handle and opened the door, causing him to jump so high, it surprised me he didn't smack his head on the roof. "D-Demyx!" he half yelped, looking at me with a ghostly expression.

I ducked my head and plopped into the seat. The seat I always used to ride in. The one we made love in before, the one I'd spilled soda on once and got chewed out for. Every inch of every little thing that had to do with Zexion held a memory. And every memory was a knife in my heart.

I didn't say anything, mostly because I didn't know what to tell him. He didn't talk to me, either, for the same reason, I assume. We sat there in silence just staring at each other. Nine months really hadn't been too kind to either of us, we both looked like a wreck.

My heart throbbed as I looked into his eyes. I wish everything could be rewound, completely rearranged and sorted out. I wish he hadn't done this to me, I wish we were cuddling on the couch watching tv like we would've been nine months ago. But for some reason, my wishes never really came true…

Zexion cautiously reached over and touched my hand, so softly it felt like a feather. My eyebrows pulled together as my emotions raged inside of me, my heart confused of which ones to listen to. "I'm sorry, Demyx. I never meant to hurt you…"

I still couldn't say anything. I looked down at our hands, tears streaming down my face and nose running. I missed holding hands…I missed touching and kissing and loving. I missed him. And I really, really wish I didn't.

"I know I really don't have much of a right to ask this, but could I have just one last kiss before I go? Then I'll leave you alone, I promise. Please, just do this final thing for me."

Words jumbled up in my throat as I listened to his ludicrous request. Zexion gazed at me intently, waiting for the answer that was glued to my tongue. I just couldn't speak. I looked away from him, hoping he couldn't see my eyes begging him to do it. I wanted to punch myself in the stomach. Why did I still have to love him, even after all this?

He brought his hand up to cradle my face, something he rarely did the entire time we were together. Very slowly, he leaned in towards me, waiting to see if I would object. And God knows I wanted to.. But then again, I didn't.

His lips brushed against mine, causing my stomach to flip. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I missed the feel of his kiss. My heart fluttered and my mind raced. I barely knew what was going on anymore. He pressed his lips against mine a little harder, inch by inch. I couldn't be saved from this point.

I moved my lips against his as we began to kiss some more, and I felt that sensation below my belt. He was turning me on, even through all this built up anger and hatred I had for him. That bastard.

We started going at each other like when we first fell in love. Make-up loving was just too much to overcome. The windows steamed as we made the car rock a few minutes later, just like we used to. I hadn't had sex in almost a year, and it felt wonderful now. I'd wanted his body back for so long, and now I had it. No matter how much I wanted Zexion to disappear and live a miserable, lonely life, in reality, I really just wanted him back.

(D)

I rolled over the next morning to see Zexion smiling softly at me. It was nice to wake up to his face again, and even nicer to have someone to sleep against all night. We got up together and went out into the kitchen, where he began to make breakfast for the both of us.

"You know, Demyx…I think we should get married next summer."

I looked up at him in disbelief. "R-really?"

He shook his head, grinning ear to ear. I jumped up and knocked my chair over as I raced to jump into his lap, throwing both of us onto the floor. "I can't believe it, I can't wait! I'm so happy!" I sobbed with joy.

Zexion wrapped his arms tight around me and kissed my neck. "It's about time I get the stick out of my ass and start moving our relationship forward instead of holding it back. I love you."

"I love you too," I spat out, tears of happiness falling onto his face.

I slid my fingers in between his and stared at our two hands together. They were intertwined, like Zexion and I would always be, no matter what happens in our relationship. We concurred the biggest obstacle imaginable, and proved our love for each other when we overcame it. I squeezed his fingers, making my heart soar when I realized that next summer, these fingers would belong to my partner in life forever and eternity.

(End)


End file.
